When that black guy was illegally pulling through the parking lot at 30mph, and he almost hit you.

…

When that opossum came out of nowhere.

…

When we made love.

…Wait, what?

“I broke my arm!” 
“She broke her arm!” 

“She’s a spy!”

I just want to be this kid.

“There’s no password to get in. When you get to the door just do the Cosby face.”

mutantrabbits:

This place has everything: tweakers, skeevies, spud web, a child…….. and a russian guy who runs on the treadmill in a Cosby sweater. So come on down this weekend. The bouncer is a bulldog, who looks like Wilford Brimley, and the password is: DIABEETUS.

-Stefon (city Correspondent)

“New York’s hottest club is ‘He-eeeyy!’ Built from the bucket list of a dying pervert.”

If JT wasn’t a famous popstar, he’d be a famous comedian on SNL.

“Bring it on down to Liquorville!”

Jay owns my heart.

Daniel Radcliffe was so good on SNL, oh my goodness, feelings for him are forming that I wasn’t aware existed…

Sadly, I am not worried by this.

For you, Rachel.

Thank you for your freakishly accurate depiction of my place in the family.

I want. So badly.

Mikey, get in my bed.

I love him.